Life has this funny way of showing you exactly what you want or don’t want. Either everything happens or nothing at all. Or nothing that you think you want that is. So just what does one do when everything happens and you can’t keep your head above water? Or when the only thing you know is the sound of the sea in your ears?
Let me tell you what I no longer do. I do not search for signs by staring at the sky or looking at my tarot cards for answers. While in meditation it came to me….my life as it stands, with the people at my side – is the sign. That is where the truth about all the decisions, big and small can be found there. By that alone can what and who matters to me most be seen.
Just the other night I was gifted with a dream. A group of us were trying to get to a certain spot. In between us and our destination stood a forest encircled by a fence. Wolves lived there, but humans being who they are decided to risk it and take the short cut through the forest. A ramshackle house of sorts, safe from the wolves, was built in the centre of the forest for those with a daredevil heart. My friends and I ran like hell and reached the house. We stayed there a while until I became antsy and said, ‘Let’s go in the early hours of the morning.” The guy with more experience, the guide, looked at me and said, ‘If you do that you will be killed…’ I knew when I awoke that whatever course of action I was hell bent on would and must wait. Caution was advised. I took that dream to heart. I refuse to be governed by fear (and make rash decisions) or live by the good faith of others alone.
While my life was busy falling into place for the last month (I refuse to say fell apart ), I took inventory of the people in my life; those who stayed despite everything… and was filled with gratitude. The words of a friend resonated deeply. ‘I excuse so much because I understand so much more now…’ We are a deeply flawed and fractured lot! Rather than stay the course we dash off. Always busy planning and scheming, caught in the rat race of ‘I have to be someone!’ And every little action becomes so monumentally important that we constantly run out of time.
The truth will always find its way towards the light. Especially during those times of testing. Only then will the truth about what we really want or who we are reveals itself. When it does, like it did for me in this last month, the only thing being asked is….“Is this what you really want?”